Table For Two...Life with Infertility

My husband and I went out to dinner the other night, and there was a line out the door of people waiting for a table. We walked in and they asked how many people in our party, I said "just a table for two please." We were immediately seated. Lucky us! We enjoyed our meal and chit-chatted about our day.

When we got our check, I looked across the room and smiled when I saw a big table with 10 people sitting around it. A mom and dad and their 8 children filled the chairs. Just as we were leaving, the lady at that table, leaned over and said to me, "You are so lucky! You were in and out of here faster than our family could ever be!" I smiled and said, "Ya, I guess we are pretty lucky."

There's the word again...lucky. Is that what we are? I guess some people think we are, but they only see what's on the outside. They only see the tip of the iceberg. Lucky that we live with infertility? No, that doesn't seem very lucky at all.

Photo by Tamara Kenyon

I think that often times people forget that two people are still considered a family. When Alan and I got married, we became a family. A young and happy family without a care in this world, and our whole lives ahead of us.

Then it seemed like the moment we got back from our honeymoon we started getting asked the "question." When we were going to start a family? Really?! How was that any ones business? How could people actually ask that question, it's so personal? We were hopeful that it would happen soon, so we would answer, red-faced, "Hopefully soon." It was embarrassing at the time being asked that question so much. Month after month, year after year. Little did they know that in our eyes we were already a family. A family, who was dying on the inside, because we couldn't get pregnant.

There are a lot of people out there that choose to wait a few years before they "start a family," we just weren't one of them. We weren't purposely waiting, it just wasn't happening for us. So the questions and comments changed from "When we were going to start a family?" to "Do you guys even want kids?" "You know you're not getting any younger." "We're on baby number (1-6, you fill in the blank, all answers are correct) you guys better hurry and catch up." As if it's a race. And I guess if it is, we're in last place. We are losing. We can't even get passed the starting line.

After a few more years of not being able to "start a family," people became a little more aware of our situation, and we became a little more open about it. We figured the extra support couldn't hurt, and we were right. It helped a lot to open up about our struggle. You can't always assume that people will catch on and understand what's going on, sometimes you have to speak up. Unless they are walking down the same road as you, are sometimes they just don't understand the pain.

A couple weeks ago we were sitting together with a large group of people after church for Sunday dinner, and we got asked how long we've been married. After our response of 11 years, her eyes got big and she started saying, "Holy cow, and no babies yet!?" "What's taking you guys so long?" "You know you're little brother already has a baby on the way, right?!"

Yes, yes we know he has a baby on the way, and we couldn't be more excited and happy for him and his wife! Seriously, our immediate family, on my husbands side, has been childless for way too long. Holidays and birthdays have been way too quiet. We just can't wait for that little bundle of joy to get here so we can love and spoil it! *Update: I have a beautiful, perfect, sweet little niece and I couldn't be more in love!

But back to my story. Before I could even say a word about not having kids, our friend from across the table spoke up and said, "Don't you think if they could have kids they would probably have them by now." She said it with tenderness and love, and the other person was embarrassed and apologized, even though she didn't need to. She was not the first person to respond that way and ask those questions, most people do when they hear how long we've been married. It had just been a few years since it had happened.

I was grateful that our friend felt like she could speak up on our behalf. We definitely don't need others to "fight our battles" for lack of a better term, but it was nice to know that we have a support system, and that people will stand up for us.

Most people who know us personally, know our story, and have been nothing but kind, loving, and supportive. And we love them for all that they do for us. We can talk about our journey without crying now. It took a few years, but with the grace of God, we got there. We are not angry. We are not discouraged. We are not bitter. We are content with our lives just the way they are. We are grateful for this path God has lead us down. He has always been there for us, even when we thought He wasn't. And in the end God's will and His love always prevail.

Life is pretty simple. If we want to leave the house, we get up go. If we decide we want to go somewhere over night, we pack up stuff and go. When we go out to dinner, getting a table for two, means we usually don't have too wait long, if at all. Our house stays clean. Our cars stay clean. Our lives are quiet.

We are happy, we laugh, and we enjoy spending time with each other. We travel and explore new places. We relax and enjoy quiet time. We don't have to say a word to know what the other one needs. We are each others best friends, and we are truly each other's other half. We have nothing but time to devote towards one another. Our relationship is strong. We are in love, and we are lucky. Lucky and blessed to have each other. Lucky that we have a loving and merciful God who knows our needs before we even ask. Lucky and so very thankful that time heals. And most importantly we are still a family...
a family of two :)

Photo by Tamara Kenyon